This is a non-verbosity post no

ή γράφεις ή δε γράφεις γαμώτι.

If I didn't have they boy, I'd feel lonely. Now I've got the boy and I feel the pressure running down my spine. He's no sumo size, that was supposed to be a quirky metaphor. There are things I like about him, there are things I don't. His skin colour, his dark hair, the way his hands are always warm,his soft smile, these things I like.
I also like the way I feel when I'm around him. Usually I'm pretty much anal retentive when alone, in situations like going windowshopping at the mall, standing in line for a coffee, studying for an upcoming exam, updating my anki and bitching about how much I suck at Japanese. I'm so much aware of my surroundings that it's quite difficult to relax. But when the boy's around, I have someone to drag along to see the christmas tree or something absolutely childish or/and nonsensical, like a Hello Kitty store (which I don't even like), or some toy I wouldn't play with even as a child, or simply holding hands and making fun of him in the middle of the street.
I am happy.

Even in the recent past, I was thinking about leaving the country. Now I'm going to stay abroad for 5 months (Erasmus,ne). I finally got to leave, even for a limited amount of time, but he's staying back. I knew this from the start (and that's why I don't want to grow attached , but then I go and do exactly what I didn't intend to do, so...).

My wanderlust collides with my ever apparent sense of vast loneliness. And I'm not specifically speaking about Erasmus, that's for a short time.
However I think about it, I can deal with loneliness better than most people, but I've been lonely for a long time.

I like how I managed to write this in a simple way, avoiding drama.
I like "like" and my short sentences.